Um....the pig story.

WARNING: this story may not be entirely appropriate for work, nor is the
middle part to be read while consuming beverages.

So my friend Jess' mother (have I lost you yet?) is apparently deciding
to rescue dogs now. There have been quite a few puppy mill busts, so
there's plenty of need and she wants to fill it.

Apparently, this all started with a pig. Once upon a time, 8 years ago,
Jess' mom (who we'll just call "Mom" to save time) decided she wanted to
rescue a pig.

A 500 pound pig.

Then she decided she wanted baby pigs. (Yes, I am aware how crazy this
sounds, but hold up PETA, it gets better.)

So she orders "love juice" from a stud catalog....which I envision as
the PlayGirl for pigs. Lots of pictures of daddy pigs with stats and all
sorts of vital info.

I can just imagine explaining THAT to the mailman..."oh yes, mister
mailman, that IS pig sperm, why do you ask?"

So it comes with a "breeding pen" and what we've affectionately called
"The Inseminator".

Nature lesson for you all today, a pig's "man tool" is corkscrew shaped.
Imagine how fun that is.

So! Mom puts pig in the pen and attempts to put the applicator straight
into the....well, you get the idea.

Ps, if it's corkscrew shaped? Won't go straight in.

Pig bucks and destroys the pen. Flips the "love potion" all over the
place, including Mom's mouth, eyes and hair.

Awesome.

She doesn't just do this once, she does it 3 times.

I love Jess' mom for doing something that made me laugh so hard, I
nearly wet my pants.

Happy Saturday for you, my lovelies :)

--
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